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Sunday 14 April 2013

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Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

by notlaughing / 04/18/2013 at 9:57am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

by NiquetChrome / 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

by jasminejzhu / 04/14/2013 at 5:58am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

by badparent / 04/08/2013 at 12:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

by citylife / 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm / United States / Money

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

by unlucky / 04/20/2013 at 5:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

by danman / 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Health

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

by Kutakito / 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm / Kuwait (Al Kuwayt) / Miscellaneous

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

by Grand_Cookie / 04/16/2013 at 4:48am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

by MyLifeSucks / 04/15/2013 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous