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Sunday 14 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48596) - you deserved it (5672)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47955) - you deserved it (3296)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

#20586667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47802) - you deserved it (14937)

On 04/12/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by InDisbelief (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47125) - you deserved it (8640)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47120) - you deserved it (6703)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46696) - you deserved it (12004)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46593) - you deserved it (9950)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46524) - you deserved it (6194)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (9396)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45886) - you deserved it (5477)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45792) - you deserved it (19247) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

#20605100
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45789) - you deserved it (7084)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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