Choose the period

Sunday 14 April 2013

Choose a category

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

by anyonmus / 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

by Zxz / 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 3:54am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

by birdiebeth13 / 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:25am / United States / Work

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

by great idea / 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

by AAMBC4 / 04/09/2013 at 6:30am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

by FootFlakes / 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

by no tea parties here, gran / 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 6:53pm / United States / Money

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

by Witos / 04/10/2013 at 2:54am / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Health