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Wednesday 23 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship , girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body withhipped cream. Except , we didn't have any in the fridge , so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of herhile fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51365) - you deserved it (14511)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, Mah Hubby Asked 4 A Morning Blow Job, An I Happily Obliged. All Was Going Great Until He Came An Farted At The Same Time. I Laughed An Reassured Him It Was No Big Deal. He Cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48863) - you deserved it (5876)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Yesterday mah boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

#20474595
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48441) - you deserved it (5635)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:57am - intimacy - by heartbroken (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Taday after applying fir a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire ( naturally tan ) people. I'm black. big fat FML

#20470936
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48113) - you deserved it (4081)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

DURING MA FIRST DAY AS A MEDICAL INTERN IN A NEW WARD... I WAS PERFORMING A RECTAL EXAM. MY SUPERVISOR TOUGT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO BURST INTO TE ROOM AND SCREAM... "WO R YOU?! YOU DON'T EVEN WORK ERE... YOU PERVERT!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47885) - you deserved it (3574) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47466) - you deserved it (6137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

2day I hered an owl near my house . I got excited , as they are not common in the area , an I listened intently to try an locate the source of the sound . After a few minutes , I realized I was not listening to an owl , but to my mother's sex noises . FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45835) - you deserved it (4750)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, ( Don't care, let's keep going. ) FML

#20484366
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45761) - you deserved it (4528)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)

TODAY, A PREGNANT WOMAN GOT ON TE BUS. TERE WERE NO FREE SEATS, SO I STOOD UP TO GIVE ER MINE. AN OBESE MAN PUSD PAST ER, WADDLD OVER, AND OOZD INTO MY SEAT. I SAID IT WAS 4 TE PREGNANT LADY. HE CALLD ME A "SEXIST BITC" AND CLAIMD E NEEDD IT MORE. FML

#20478664
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44340) - you deserved it (2476)

On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43682) - you deserved it (4334)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I lerened that I look amazing in a little black dress!! Now I have to figure out wat I'm going to tell my wife!! FML

Today, I found mah boyfriend's Facebook page . I also found his wife's . FML

#20475642
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42655) - you deserved it (4852)

On 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm - love - by ohokay (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was upset cuz my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me 4 my brthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, an we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realizd she forgot to call me yesterday as well. fat FML

#20474927
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42430) - you deserved it (3422)

On 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by birthday_loser (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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