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May 2016

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Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML

by The_Waffle / 05/14/2016 at 1:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

by claustrophobic / 05/04/2016 at 3:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2016 at 5:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2016 at 11:53am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

by are you kidding me? / 05/16/2016 at 5:24pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

by fckdorms / 05/09/2016 at 10:04am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

by hrs220 / 05/21/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

by shrutisoma / 05/12/2016 at 12:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my wife cancelled on our date we had planned for over a month. It would have been our first one-on-one date since the birth of our first child. Our child is over 13 months old. FML

by Brandon / 05/08/2016 at 10:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I was so exhausted that I took a quick nap on the floor of my classroom during one of my free periods. I must have turned off the alarm I set, because I was gently woken up to the giggles of a whole class of students. To make matters worse, I was lying in a big puddle of my own drool. FML

by SorrowsReward / 05/06/2016 at 7:08am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

by Mrmz07 / 05/01/2016 at 5:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health