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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27453) - you deserved it (3350)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27451) - you deserved it (2794)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2842)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

#21393373
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27388) - you deserved it (3755)

On 04/14/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

#21386559
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27373) - you deserved it (1708)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:47pm - money - by Bunsostriker (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27365) - you deserved it (1822)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

#21387213
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (2138)

On 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm - health - by NotDrunk - United States (Texas)

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27333) - you deserved it (2755)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

#21395180
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27169) - you deserved it (3622)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:50am - money - by jamongrande - United States (California)

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

#21391724
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (16644)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:34am - health - by jamisbetter - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (2946)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

#21392914
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26986) - you deserved it (5014)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:40am - health - by gottaflossmoreoften (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26970) - you deserved it (2009)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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