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July 2016

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Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 1:31pm / Work

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

by Anonameow / 07/19/2016 at 9:49am / Animals

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 6:09pm / Work

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

by Bacon0426 / 07/04/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, my phone autocorrected "with chills" to "with child" in the middle of a message, and I didn't notice until I was contacted several hours later by a panicking friend. My gastric flu is now rumoured to have been morning sickness, all because I can't proofread. FML

by DrumrollPlease / 07/13/2016 at 3:50am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

by mulligan / 07/07/2016 at 1:38pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

by Grosssss / 07/15/2016 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

Today, I received an almost $400 bill for Internet services I don't even have. When I called and talk to them they told me I still owe them $77 because I didn't catch it within 3 months. FML

by bug20 / 07/18/2016 at 5:27am / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

by it's sharty time :/ / 07/02/2016 at 2:45pm / United States (North Dakota) / Health

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

by boobswerehere / 07/07/2016 at 3:15am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2016 at 7:51am / Belgium / Work