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December 2016

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Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

by Natsert99 / 12/08/2016 at 9:02am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today whilst riding my brand new dirt bike for the first time, the chain broke and slashed me down the back of the left leg with such force that it chipped the bone. FML

by E_G_G_S_O_U_P / 12/08/2016 at 8:12am / Transportation

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

by Lonelyhopeful / 12/05/2016 at 3:08pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2016 at 1:22pm / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

by natural selection i guess / 12/09/2016 at 4:02am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

by Lenny_R / 12/08/2016 at 2:53pm / Transportation

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2016 at 9:53am / Intimacy

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Years. FML

by dazedandconfused / 12/08/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, at 4 a.m., I woke up so I could check out the blood moon. It looked magnificent, so I took a few photos and went back to bed. When I later got up, I noticed the orange street light outside. I’d been admiring a street lamp. FML

by chachichou / 12/07/2016 at 10:05pm / France (Alsace) / Geek

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

by Poorphone / 12/08/2016 at 12:23pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

by no / 12/08/2016 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

by sadsadteacher / 12/05/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

by ryuuchild / 12/08/2016 at 7:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.