Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
May 2016

Choose a category

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

by Giraafe / 05/09/2016 at 1:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice since I was 13. FML

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

by Trew Love / 05/03/2016 at 2:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2016 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

by Oops / 05/02/2016 at 12:21am / Animals

Today, my friend bought a new car. He left his old car at the dealership and asked me if I could go back with him, and then I'd follow him back to his house in his old car. That was fine, except he forgot to mention the car had no brakes. I hit his car. FML

by bumpercarmcgee / 05/11/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

by queen_lol / 05/10/2016 at 1:14pm / United States / Love

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

by send the army please / 05/02/2016 at 2:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

Today, I had to deal with a snobby rich woman who asked me to cure her daughter's "unhealthy obsession" with playing outside instead of watching TV with the rest of the family. She called me a liar when I said playing outside is a normal thing for a 6 year-old child to do. FML

by anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 1:59pm / United States / Work

Today, since I always fall asleep in class, I decided not to go to the bathroom beforehand, hoping the sensation to pee would keep me awake. I ended up falling asleep and wetting myself in the middle of the lecture. FML

by Pee.H.D / 05/02/2016 at 1:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

by Anon / 05/23/2016 at 6:49am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 9:40pm / United States (California) / Intimacy