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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30825) - you deserved it (2673)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30820) - you deserved it (1993)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30783) - you deserved it (4743)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

#21409927
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30598) - you deserved it (3529)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:41am - money - by sparkyjaf - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30495) - you deserved it (5408)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

#21406694
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30452) - you deserved it (2789)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:44am - misc - by brittrus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30434) - you deserved it (3013)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (2672)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30203) - you deserved it (2696)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29995) - you deserved it (2625)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29911) - you deserved it (3589)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML



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