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July 2016

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Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

by ssenmodnaR / 07/27/2016 at 12:30pm / Love

Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML

by slaughterteddy / 07/20/2016 at 7:23pm / United States / Health

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

by JFC / 07/17/2016 at 3:56pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 12:14am / United States (Montana) / Transportation

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

by foxfur / 07/14/2016 at 8:21am / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

by FrozenAnonymus / 07/14/2016 at 2:05pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Animals

Today, my university is capable of sending me two diplomas in short succession due to a clerical error, but can't recognize that I've graduated and won't be taking classes with them in the fall. FML

by bamrd / 06/30/2016 at 9:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, after 22 hours running around the hospital, I found some time to sit still and have a sandwich. My attending physician walked by and commented that I must not have enough work to do. The same person who 12 hours ago said finding time to eat was a skill, since I was eating on the go. FML

by AverageAvarice / 07/07/2016 at 4:09pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm pretty sure my sister is being catfished. Now I have the choice of either telling her and risking her staying with her abusive husband or letting her think her new "boyfriend" is a good guy who didn't just "accidentally" send me a shower picture. FML

by mbbcjuliet / 07/16/2016 at 11:13pm / Love

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

by CasperTheFriendlyGhost / 07/14/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 1:53pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 12:45pm / Animals

Today, after driving to three drug testing clinics that were approved for my job, each one declined me saying they dont do testing anymore. Now I have to drive another 25 miles to see if someone will say, "You're clean." FML

by GyroUpgraded / 07/20/2016 at 7:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Work