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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14630) - you deserved it (24793)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14144) - you deserved it (28869)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

#21409743
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13795) - you deserved it (29382)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13393) - you deserved it (1130)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13095) - you deserved it (34543)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12183) - you deserved it (27342)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11069) - you deserved it (38835)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

#21405584
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10717) - you deserved it (39517)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:34am - work - by Freelman - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

#21413444
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9909) - you deserved it (4478)

On 05/21/2015 at 8:22am - health - by crossfitter -

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (983) - you deserved it (72)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

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