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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56857) - you deserved it (6163)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55425) - you deserved it (5642)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54904) - you deserved it (3693)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (10753)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53001) - you deserved it (9049)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52607) - you deserved it (6870)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

#21248283
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52074) - you deserved it (5911)

On 08/30/2014 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52068) - you deserved it (21266)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51230) - you deserved it (3689)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50641) - you deserved it (9211)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

#21243834
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50559) - you deserved it (6027)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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