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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

#21071374
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42399) - you deserved it (4190)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42162) - you deserved it (21906)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

#21066140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42161) - you deserved it (3034)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:27am - work - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

#21048094
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42052) - you deserved it (3660)

On 02/02/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

#21053382
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (3422)

On 02/07/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mayotte

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42028) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (3880)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

#21071183
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (7465)

On 02/25/2014 at 11:59am - love - by jill (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41827) - you deserved it (12053)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41594) - you deserved it (6702) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41519) - you deserved it (6381)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

#21070906
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41510) - you deserved it (5126)

On 02/25/2014 at 12:22am - love - by M.A. (man) - United States (Arizona)



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