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February 2014

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Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37967) - you deserved it (43486)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

#21065187
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37568) - you deserved it (4135)

On 02/19/2014 at 1:24am - work - by PaneraSucks - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37566) - you deserved it (5694)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37501) - you deserved it (6912)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

#21066977
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (7097)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by management - United States

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (6507)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37107) - you deserved it (16801)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36973) - you deserved it (15633)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

#21063360
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36694) - you deserved it (4314)

On 02/17/2014 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

#21072961
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36639) - you deserved it (12877)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

#21064549
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36533) - you deserved it (4257)

On 02/18/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by undineA (man) - Greece (Thessaloniki)

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

#21069230
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36023) - you deserved it (21626)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by weak - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

#21055534
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35905) - you deserved it (4306)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:59pm - love - by blushingbride - United States (Georgia)



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