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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44507) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

#21012505
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44430) - you deserved it (3731)

On 01/01/2014 at 2:49am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44426) - you deserved it (5194)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

#21035253
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44322) - you deserved it (5657)

On 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm - health - by cuntocracy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44279) - you deserved it (4068)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (9956)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44233) - you deserved it (5762)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44177) - you deserved it (11424)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

#21015236
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44044) - you deserved it (4947)

On 01/03/2014 at 6:03am - kids - by noway (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43963) - you deserved it (5866)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

#21019092
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43935) - you deserved it (4618)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43884) - you deserved it (5412)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

#21027789
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43833) - you deserved it (4120)

On 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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