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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (7334)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46992) - you deserved it (5183)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46823) - you deserved it (5443)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

#21016256
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46700) - you deserved it (4035)

On 01/04/2014 at 2:21am - animals - by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

#21016807
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46659) - you deserved it (4479)

On 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46491) - you deserved it (7092)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46457) - you deserved it (16813)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (3975)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

#21019092
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46049) - you deserved it (4834)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46022) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45842) - you deserved it (8636)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

#21029148
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (5238)

On 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45742) - you deserved it (5388)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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