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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48458) - you deserved it (8494)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

#21019190
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48329) - you deserved it (15163)

On 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm - misc - by Mels (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48203) - you deserved it (9805)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

#21017302
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48159) - you deserved it (4936)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by scotsgal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47931) - you deserved it (5542)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

#21028123
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47826) - you deserved it (4633)

On 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm - misc - by Pop - United States (New York)

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

#21016256
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47557) - you deserved it (4099)

On 01/04/2014 at 2:21am - animals - by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47551) - you deserved it (7670)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

#21016807
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (4543)

On 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

#21027843
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47477) - you deserved it (8225)

On 01/14/2014 at 5:06pm - money - by chiktikka (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47251) - you deserved it (7175)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

#21029577
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47013) - you deserved it (19806)

On 01/16/2014 at 6:45am - misc - by nolovefor21 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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