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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46412) - you deserved it (8730)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46262) - you deserved it (4971)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (16759)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

#21016206
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46203) - you deserved it (20933)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

#21012251
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46041) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:04am - love - by dantko (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46015) - you deserved it (5196)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45990) - you deserved it (11517)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

#21018145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45932) - you deserved it (9140)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45922) - you deserved it (3964)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45896) - you deserved it (5390)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (9448)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

#21017924
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45877) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45876) - you deserved it (4940)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)



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