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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

#21021631
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50548) - you deserved it (5113)

On 01/08/2014 at 6:02pm - animals - by Zach Got Robbed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

#21025608
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50502) - you deserved it (4323)

On 01/12/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by shakinmahbuttbutt (man) - United States

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50500) - you deserved it (18230)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50370) - you deserved it (4811)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50224) - you deserved it (3873)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

#21031501
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50145) - you deserved it (7380)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50090) - you deserved it (13621)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50077) - you deserved it (9285)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

#21032937
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49963) - you deserved it (5490)

On 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm - misc - by fail (man) - United States

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49851) - you deserved it (5344)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49838) - you deserved it (5360)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49390) - you deserved it (5277)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49327) - you deserved it (9897)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)



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