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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

#21037274
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51773) - you deserved it (5388)

On 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm - love - by heartbrokenhaley - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51342) - you deserved it (8060)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, after working 12 hours, my scooter broke down 2 miles from home. I had to walk myself and my scooter home all uphill. My boyfriend and his friends drove by, honked and kept going. FML

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51068) - you deserved it (4805)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50911) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50802) - you deserved it (4257)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

#21038727
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50795) - you deserved it (5588)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50657) - you deserved it (4326)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50631) - you deserved it (10196)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50605) - you deserved it (12891)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version



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