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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

#21025291
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52709) - you deserved it (4772)

On 01/12/2014 at 3:03am - kids - by -_- - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52620) - you deserved it (5086)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52586) - you deserved it (22977)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52586) - you deserved it (10993)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

#21019316
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52563) - you deserved it (18703)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52539) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52528) - you deserved it (6210)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52512) - you deserved it (7748)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52395) - you deserved it (4107)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52391) - you deserved it (12498)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52205) - you deserved it (4176)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52065) - you deserved it (6555)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

#21025169
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51946) - you deserved it (4785)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:26am - love - by spitball101 - Australia



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