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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45490) - you deserved it (5707)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

#20932049
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45481) - you deserved it (3401)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:05am - kids - by he's still not convinced (woman) - United States

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

#20926629
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45452) - you deserved it (5092)

On 10/19/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by nofriends - United States

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

#20938215
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45446) - you deserved it (3985)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm - misc - by The_FN_Gunny - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45430) - you deserved it (3379)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

#20933461
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45421) - you deserved it (7043)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by NOKHAN (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

#20920258
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45314) - you deserved it (6806)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm - health - by soccer_bball (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

#20923824
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45167) - you deserved it (4557)

On 10/17/2013 at 9:43am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45125) - you deserved it (3048)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45118) - you deserved it (4857)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

#20927328
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45002) - you deserved it (6696)

On 10/20/2013 at 10:34am - health - by Teiu88 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

#20922962
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44983) - you deserved it (3814)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:52pm - work - by amy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML



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