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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45117) - you deserved it (3815)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45013) - you deserved it (7547)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44976) - you deserved it (20158)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

#20927250
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44944) - you deserved it (5530)

On 10/20/2013 at 8:39am - health - by cantcloselegs (woman) - United States

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

#20924228
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44921) - you deserved it (5542)

On 10/17/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

#20905397
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44862) - you deserved it (2460)

On 10/02/2013 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

#20925665
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44702) - you deserved it (4664) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by Huedadaa - France (Picardie)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

#20933837
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (3633)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44502) - you deserved it (4991)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

#20932049
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44433) - you deserved it (3321)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:05am - kids - by he's still not convinced (woman) - United States

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44381) - you deserved it (6598)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44341) - you deserved it (6676)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

#20916188
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44310) - you deserved it (2485)

On 10/11/2013 at 7:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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