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October 2013

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Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

by Rinelric1998 / 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 7:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

by TiredMum / 10/16/2013 at 9:33am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

by british_babe / 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

by notready / 10/15/2013 at 2:49am / Australia / Love

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

by goodgrief / 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 10:04am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 2:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous