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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

#20816873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51657) - you deserved it (3324)

On 08/02/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51609) - you deserved it (24931)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

#20820605
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51541) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm - work - by x_o (man) - Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron)

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

#20818189
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51258) - you deserved it (4848)

On 08/03/2013 at 2:46am - misc - by fsdjhgasjlhg (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

#20852966
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51234) - you deserved it (4438)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm - kids - by pda (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51095) - you deserved it (9385)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

#20833620
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50957) - you deserved it (3489)

On 08/12/2013 at 11:24am - health - by nutfreak (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

#20840692
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50752) - you deserved it (20855)

On 08/16/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by JacksWag4 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50606) - you deserved it (4099)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50601) - you deserved it (6458)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

#20852500
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50597) - you deserved it (2736)

On 08/24/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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