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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50642) - you deserved it (6810)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

#20824199
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50606) - you deserved it (4414)

On 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm - love - by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50558) - you deserved it (6162)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

#20822176
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50533) - you deserved it (6304)

On 08/05/2013 at 2:33pm - intimacy - by Sexless4Life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50507) - you deserved it (8563)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50442) - you deserved it (5074)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50302) - you deserved it (5026)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50299) - you deserved it (8340) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

#20816873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50202) - you deserved it (3234)

On 08/02/2013 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

#20852722
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50164) - you deserved it (7248)

On 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50153) - you deserved it (5100)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50119) - you deserved it (3699)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

#20817313
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49929) - you deserved it (8456)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm - misc - by lights on forever (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)



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