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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49147) - you deserved it (4004)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49104) - you deserved it (4344)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49035) - you deserved it (3708)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

#20840692
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49019) - you deserved it (20155)

On 08/16/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by JacksWag4 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48937) - you deserved it (4933)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48866) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48859) - you deserved it (4321)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48771) - you deserved it (2658)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

#20815101
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48558) - you deserved it (3529)

On 08/01/2013 at 11:18am - work - by are these people even HUMAN? (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

#20830424
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48558) - you deserved it (11426)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:48am - love - by fml (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

#20829515
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48512) - you deserved it (7022)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:23pm - intimacy - by hunchback of notre bite (woman) - Korea, Republic of

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48223) - you deserved it (3807) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML



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