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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (4662)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

#20833620
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46054) - you deserved it (3107)

On 08/12/2013 at 11:24am - health - by nutfreak (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46005) - you deserved it (7630) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45740) - you deserved it (17104)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

#20820605
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45708) - you deserved it (3312)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm - work - by x_o (man) - Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45694) - you deserved it (16289)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

#20819957
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45691) - you deserved it (4440)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:37am - love - by uniannonymous - United Kingdom (Merton)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45692) - you deserved it (2486)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

#20832766
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45675) - you deserved it (4786)

On 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm - kids - by mydaughterisdisturbed - United States (Indiana)

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45649) - you deserved it (3709)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45433) - you deserved it (4335)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML



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