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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52348) - you deserved it (5247)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52272) - you deserved it (18580)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52226) - you deserved it (2951)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52225) - you deserved it (8611) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

#20817380
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52145) - you deserved it (5222)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

#20858539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52020) - you deserved it (2798)

On 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm - love - by marryinghimanyway (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

#20848570
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51966) - you deserved it (4573)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm - work - by baconbxtch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51813) - you deserved it (3041)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51813) - you deserved it (5278)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51778) - you deserved it (4107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51764) - you deserved it (5168)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51725) - you deserved it (19013)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)



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