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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

#20825416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50555) - you deserved it (6645)

On 08/07/2013 at 11:46am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

#20859354
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50229) - you deserved it (2818)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:48pm - health - by scammed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50136) - you deserved it (2939)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

#20839746
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50122) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/16/2013 at 1:02am - kids - by justwantingtohelp - United States (Michigan)

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

#20816365
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49939) - you deserved it (4926)

On 08/02/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

#20857270
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49803) - you deserved it (6251)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

#20833570
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49789) - you deserved it (3713)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:30am - love - by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49690) - you deserved it (2738)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49646) - you deserved it (12859)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49544) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49300) - you deserved it (10475)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

#20814602
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49214) - you deserved it (3926)

On 08/01/2013 at 1:10am - intimacy - by confused_girl (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49083) - you deserved it (6441)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man



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