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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54312) - you deserved it (4727)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

#20820030
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53960) - you deserved it (7170)

On 08/04/2013 at 7:21am - animals - by Barking Mad - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

#20824090
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53935) - you deserved it (4435)

On 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm - love - by (._. ) (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53844) - you deserved it (8961)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53511) - you deserved it (12884)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53429) - you deserved it (4845)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53353) - you deserved it (4806)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53239) - you deserved it (5066)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53165) - you deserved it (5836)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

#20842035
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52985) - you deserved it (3573)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm - love - by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52785) - you deserved it (5803)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52617) - you deserved it (5051)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

#20823062
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51884) - you deserved it (3782)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:11am - health - by mcdonalds - United States



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