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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42977) - you deserved it (2742)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

#20684874
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (2927)

On 05/25/2013 at 1:09am - work - by mmmretail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42945) - you deserved it (8338)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

#20694663
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42914) - you deserved it (3787)

On 05/30/2013 at 1:37am - love - by I'm a joke? -

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42867) - you deserved it (3322)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

#20655587
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42710) - you deserved it (7157)

On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42648) - you deserved it (21183)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42615) - you deserved it (15213)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42553) - you deserved it (5250)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

#20672990
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42519) - you deserved it (2835)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42482) - you deserved it (3155)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42428) - you deserved it (3027)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)



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