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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

#20660609
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42578) - you deserved it (21149)

On 05/13/2013 at 11:06am - animals - by random (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42555) - you deserved it (15199)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

#20672990
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42429) - you deserved it (2827)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42408) - you deserved it (3153)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

#20661009
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42357) - you deserved it (3018)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42293) - you deserved it (6996)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42217) - you deserved it (73425)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

#20671268
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42161) - you deserved it (3381)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by ineedayob (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42112) - you deserved it (8240)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42097) - you deserved it (4692)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

#20633909
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42021) - you deserved it (3394)

On 04/30/2013 at 10:50pm - misc - by creepycrawley247 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42017) - you deserved it (4072)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)



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