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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53750) - you deserved it (8545)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

#20624972
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53705) - you deserved it (4147)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53636) - you deserved it (5267)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53609) - you deserved it (8567)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53286) - you deserved it (6874)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53220) - you deserved it (8477)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53127) - you deserved it (4992)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

#20624422
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53109) - you deserved it (3844)

On 04/27/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by dabull (man) - United States

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

#20608351
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53007) - you deserved it (4736)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52845) - you deserved it (7423)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52801) - you deserved it (3953)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

#20617597
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52748) - you deserved it (3507)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - work - by anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, six weeks before my wedding, my mother decided to claim that she never agreed on paying for it and that she doesn't think she will. Now I have six weeks to scavenge enough cash for the wedding she planned in the first place. FML

#20626669
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52530) - you deserved it (4280)

On 04/28/2013 at 12:29am - money - by need_cash_now (man) - United States



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