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Tuesday 11 February 2014

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Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2014 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

by norina / 02/11/2014 at 5:01am / Work

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

by FUUUUCK / 02/11/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

by dumbwifehappylife / 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Money