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Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

#1010714
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26202) - you deserved it (144629)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

#1712833
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34233) - you deserved it (144179)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13915) - you deserved it (142957)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

#448904
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32342) - you deserved it (141091)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by Melaknee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

#192974
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29818) - you deserved it (139529)

On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926
626 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10917) - you deserved it (138620)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12962) - you deserved it (137959)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19087) - you deserved it (137413)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

#12294723
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11833) - you deserved it (137032)

On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33804) - you deserved it (136832)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15071) - you deserved it (136173)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40926) - you deserved it (135429)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)



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