Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
742 comments

I agree, your life sucks (291722) - you deserved it (157133)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

#833140
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20100) - you deserved it (155846)

On 04/06/2009 at 10:42am - money - by brhorton02 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

#18252
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14368) - you deserved it (155511)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by Dulieu (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

#51182
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11126) - you deserved it (155291)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Dani_Rich - United States (California)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
339 comments

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

#5912025
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6992) - you deserved it (152268)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:05pm - misc - by stick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20174) - you deserved it (150252)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I became a father. Unfortunately, my wife found out. FML

#19253868
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10158) - you deserved it (149970)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:16pm - misc - by Major3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

#1212600
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16705) - you deserved it (147638)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:24pm - love - by kellym (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33803) - you deserved it (146973)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20089) - you deserved it (146292)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42331) - you deserved it (145744)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (145605)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: