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Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 7:52am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 1:00pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

by oh no / 06/06/2016 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML

by StateOfEuphoria / 07/24/2016 at 6:52pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

by Academia / 08/18/2011 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2012 at 1:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 10:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 4:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

by pissed / 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

by overreacting / 04/03/2015 at 2:08am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

by vikhelios / 01/30/2010 at 1:45pm / Miscellaneous