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Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

by Matei / 03/11/2015 at 8:36pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

by Foam / 12/26/2009 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, while trying on clothes in Macy's, someone decided to throw some shoes over the wall and into my changing stall. I now have a black eye. FML

by rhartnett11 / 04/23/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

by rarara / 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

by judge not, ye cunt / 12/21/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 1:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

by Sean / 09/09/2013 at 5:04pm / United States / Money

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

by patrickRafael / 12/29/2009 at 9:21am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

by hahahaha090114 / 01/30/2010 at 1:59pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

by ugly? / 09/20/2011 at 4:08am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 12:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

by cherokeems / 03/26/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.