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Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

by addie / 03/03/2013 at 3:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:53pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

by Orchard / 07/16/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

by forever alone / 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

by anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 6:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 6:57pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

by wheresthelove / 12/30/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

by gorgeousgirl / 03/12/2010 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 2:17am / Work

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

by oopsies / 07/04/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Animals

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

by Foreigner / 08/01/2011 at 11:05am / Jersey / Miscellaneous

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

by SLAB_GIRL15 / 08/01/2012 at 3:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous