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Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

by Elephant1718 / 06/11/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

by Hlaalette / 05/13/2015 at 9:57am / Belgium / Health

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

by FreakinthePink / 12/06/2010 at 2:20am / Intimacy

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

by Vxale / 09/29/2011 at 1:20pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

by Illinoisgirl / 02/14/2012 at 9:29am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

by Morgan / 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

by melean / 10/04/2010 at 2:37am / Trinidad and Tobago / Money

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

by Username / 12/23/2010 at 9:48am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

by Foreigner / 08/01/2011 at 11:05am / Jersey / Miscellaneous