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Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

by Danielle / 06/10/2012 at 3:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

by uggg / 01/23/2015 at 1:09pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

by notyourmummy / 11/12/2015 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Isle of Wight) / Intimacy

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

by Tyler / 08/03/2009 at 2:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

by mirrorfad / 01/29/2010 at 12:49am / Health

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

by wrongnumber / 01/14/2011 at 3:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

by womboman / 07/30/2011 at 4:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

by SoccerBabe42 / 12/26/2011 at 7:11am / Canada / Love

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

by beautyschool22 / 06/11/2012 at 7:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

by anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

by MyMomIsInsane / 03/09/2015 at 8:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told his friends he was dating me. We've been together for a year and a half. His friends didn't even know I existed before. FML

by Myyrh / 06/15/2015 at 9:48pm / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I made a typo in a line of code, bringing the company website down. Our admin was already pissed about having to work over Christmas, and he started yelling at me and ended up punching my supervisor when he got between us. Pretty sure my screw up indirectly got the poor guy fired. FML

by Kat / 12/24/2015 at 4:51pm / Australia / Work