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Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

by Phil / 05/28/2012 at 5:17pm / Canada / Health

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

by sophistication / 08/21/2009 at 11:36am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

by anonbob / 07/07/2011 at 9:28pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

by astocks / 09/24/2011 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

by SoccerBabe42 / 12/26/2011 at 7:11am / Canada / Love

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

by Danielle / 06/10/2012 at 3:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

by WentInABush / 11/15/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was waiting for the train. It arrived, I got on and the woman behind me stepped on the back of my shoe. My shoe came flying off and landed in the gutter between the train and the platform. The doors closed, the train pulled away. FML

by Kate / 04/23/2009 at 10:09am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

by iltdtsm / 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous