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Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

by notapedobear / 01/13/2011 at 3:21am / Kids

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

by missmisfit / 06/13/2012 at 12:14am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, the battery cables on my car came loose, thus resetting my car's electronics to factory settings. The anti-theft system is now turned on, and I can't start my car with it on. Luckily, it turns off with a remote. The remote broke about six months ago. FML

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML

by cwl727 / 04/09/2014 at 12:49pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

by Sorry / 10/02/2014 at 7:51pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

by notyourmummy / 11/12/2015 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Isle of Wight) / Intimacy

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

by lonely / 02/05/2009 at 10:14am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

by ellarose / 04/10/2009 at 2:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

by Catscratch / 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

by Nobody / 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

by PeanutlyDisabled / 01/08/2010 at 2:23am / France / Kids

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

by bibobobonnor / 09/28/2010 at 12:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous