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Today, a woman called the store I work for. When she found out it was a wrong number, she started to cry and asked me to stay on the line with her, talking about her dead husband and how she hasn't laughed in years. FML

by icy_in_indiana / 12/10/2013 at 10:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

by spicybasement / 03/17/2015 at 11:38am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

by Rachel / 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

by busted / 09/25/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

by Celeste / 03/02/2010 at 4:14am / Singapore / Transportation

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

by bibobobonnor / 09/28/2010 at 12:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 11:15am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

by CCrew42 / 11/20/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

by Jenievonteese / 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm / United States (Texas) / Animals