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Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

#20033618
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22121) - you deserved it (2529)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26397) - you deserved it (2529)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

#7835158
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29413) - you deserved it (2528)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:03am - animals - by Brittany (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

#17384739
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (2528)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39029) - you deserved it (2528)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

#21272968
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31679) - you deserved it (2528)

On 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by epic174 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

#3132643
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39482) - you deserved it (2527)

On 06/22/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by highschoolnobody (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

#6981473
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (2527)

On 12/27/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by hated (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

#7011501
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22173) - you deserved it (2527)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by patrickRafael (man) - Singapore

Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML

#7433356
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22514) - you deserved it (2527)

On 01/19/2010 at 4:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

#14315930
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (2527)

On 12/23/2010 at 9:21pm - misc - by nick (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

#14802343
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25005) - you deserved it (2527)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Texas)



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