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Today, my girlfriend of two months broke up with me because she said I remind her too much of her first boyfriend and it creeps her out. I've checked with all of her friends and family. I am her first boyfriend. FML

by HellaBomber91 / 12/05/2009 at 2:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

by Username / 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2011 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I got yelled at by my mom for not being surprised enough at my surprise birthday party. She'd told me about it while drunk the night before. FML

by areyoukiddingme / 09/07/2013 at 12:50am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

by loser / 01/08/2015 at 4:26pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

by anoymus / 05/30/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

by slukaa / 06/13/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

by lonelyinlondon / 08/20/2009 at 10:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

by Spatch / 09/23/2009 at 10:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

by lightblue / 10/10/2010 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

by sfabsits / 07/17/2011 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

by divorce? i think so / 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous