Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

by lisahb / 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

by wtf did i do?? / 01/11/2013 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

by disgusted / 12/13/2015 at 2:45am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 12:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

by Uriyahu / 09/20/2010 at 6:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

by CooBerry3851 / 08/28/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

by all5fingers / 09/08/2011 at 1:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 2:56am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

by SeaBind / 11/15/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Geek

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

by anonymous / 05/06/2015 at 9:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to my brilliant hairstylist, I ended up with a brand new haircut, which I like to call the "Bowler hat-and-Spaghetti" cut. FML

by AtikaSucks / 02/28/2010 at 2:00pm / Tunisia / Miscellaneous

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health