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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

#3161
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17208) - you deserved it (1617)

On 01/28/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by flying solo - United States (California)

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

#6114128
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29448) - you deserved it (1617)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:12am - health - by UnluckyJulie (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

#6369403
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30883) - you deserved it (1617)

On 11/19/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by thenewone (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

#7771404
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11233) - you deserved it (1617)

On 02/01/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by ocroyalty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

#2549491
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43180) - you deserved it (1616)

On 06/02/2009 at 9:33pm - money - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

#8354648
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24104) - you deserved it (1616)

On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

#9004335
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17951) - you deserved it (1616)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by dreadedmafia86 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
122 comments

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

#8948119
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36541) - you deserved it (1615)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

#19804016
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23360) - you deserved it (1615)

On 06/17/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

#19870672
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42972) - you deserved it (1615)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:48am - health - by Jobby (woman) -

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

#13122832
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (1614)

On 09/20/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by northernlass (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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