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Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

by 751920 / 02/03/2009 at 3:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

by lilrudegirl / 06/21/2010 at 10:12pm / Work

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

by emoflowers / 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

by majorlyturnedoff / 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2012 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm / Croatia (Licko-Senjska) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 11:04am / United States / Love

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

by sandwichmaker / 07/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

by Jeslyn03 / 01/13/2012 at 1:57pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

by me / 01/22/2013 at 1:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

by spenmy / 06/13/2010 at 5:56am / United States (Colorado) / Animals