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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

#13788203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21601) - you deserved it (2815)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:16am - misc - by dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

#9139236
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34267) - you deserved it (2815)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by latenightbite - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

#16708517
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33658) - you deserved it (2815)

On 06/17/2011 at 7:06am - love - by ari - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

#17669006
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (2815)

On 09/05/2011 at 9:00am - misc - by Brie - United States (Georgia)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40745) - you deserved it (2815)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

#5509745
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (2814)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by e11ie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I received a marriage proposal at work from a 70 year old man covered in dirt from head to toe, who offered to be my "sugar daddy." I guess I have options after all. FML

#13742971
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25935) - you deserved it (2814)

On 11/06/2010 at 8:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

#17036855
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35187) - you deserved it (2814)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by supergingerr11 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

#16847494
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32217) - you deserved it (2814)

On 06/25/2011 at 8:58am - health - by Live02Dance - United States (Virginia)

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

#17310535
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32039) - you deserved it (2814)

On 07/30/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by womboman - United States

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

#18950332
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20522) - you deserved it (2814)

On 01/30/2012 at 4:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

#21288837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28136) - you deserved it (2814)

On 10/31/2014 at 1:10am - health - by NoScrubs - United States (California)

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28910) - you deserved it (2814)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)



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