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Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 1:55pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 4:31pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

by great / 02/28/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

by therealkathl / 03/05/2015 at 8:32am / Austria / Love

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

by shamed / 11/05/2011 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

by feminista / 07/28/2012 at 4:38pm / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Intimacy

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2013 at 11:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2014 at 12:06pm / United States / Kids

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

by missmolliss / 06/25/2015 at 4:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

by theflasher / 08/13/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

by meagainsttheworld / 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous