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Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

by now what / 12/24/2014 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

by tuppu / 11/03/2010 at 10:35am / Finland / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

by lmao4eva93 / 07/02/2010 at 12:21am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

by Bullet / 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

by Tim / 08/06/2011 at 10:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

by Cuntlette / 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

by musicalkitcat / 10/05/2009 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 2:32pm / Norway (More og Romsdal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

by anonymoose / 05/29/2013 at 8:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML