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Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

by natalie_sarantos / 12/22/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

by ThirdWheelHell / 06/30/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

by lene / 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

by Jonny / 01/08/2012 at 11:07pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 4:31pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

by Cate / 11/05/2009 at 5:25am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

by peacexout108 / 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

by anonymous / 09/10/2010 at 2:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

by amf / 06/02/2011 at 11:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

by shamed / 11/05/2011 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm / United States / Money

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous