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Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

by Not Homeless / 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2015 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 8:25pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

by washed / 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

by Bullet / 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm / United States / Kids

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm / United States / Transportation

Today, someone actually thought it was appropriate to compare my mother's death to the death of their cat. FML

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

by emonsteadman / 05/28/2012 at 10:05am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 2:32pm / Norway (More og Romsdal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2013 at 11:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2015 at 12:21am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

by lmao4eva93 / 07/02/2010 at 12:21am / United States (North Carolina) / Work