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Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

by tuppu / 11/03/2010 at 10:35am / Finland / Intimacy

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

by fuckfuck / 01/31/2014 at 1:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND / 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2012 at 1:32am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

by well okay then / 09/10/2012 at 12:39am / United States / Kids

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

by lea5459 / 11/20/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

by forever single, I guess / 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm / United States / Love

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

by Cuntlette / 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2014 at 12:06pm / United States / Kids