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Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

by Anon / 10/14/2010 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

by mokki / 03/31/2015 at 8:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

by bunnylover / 03/15/2010 at 12:44pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

by PuppyPeeTimee. / 09/17/2010 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Animals

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

by noquiero / 06/21/2012 at 2:13pm / United Kingdom (Durham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

by satega / 11/17/2012 at 4:15am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

by hannahka / 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

by Small_Fry_Hero / 10/21/2009 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 4:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 2:49am / United States (Florida) / Transportation