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Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

by anon / 12/27/2013 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

by bmonehh / 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

by Discouraged / 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

by artiemilano / 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed / 12/20/2011 at 6:49am / Mauritius / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

by I'm screwed / 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

by westwoodcosmo / 01/27/2016 at 5:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

by snidpea / 01/31/2010 at 12:07pm / Health

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

by xharuki / 08/29/2010 at 4:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work