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Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

by quickit / 12/05/2014 at 12:14pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

by disappointmentafter4years / 04/12/2016 at 3:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

by Widowmaker / 08/09/2010 at 12:03am / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2011 at 10:46am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

by Angela / 02/26/2011 at 8:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

by AudraRose / 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm / United States / Health

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

by taternuts / 11/26/2011 at 7:18am / Canada / Work

Today, while coming back from skiing, a woman asked me if I could help her carry her stroller. I put my skis down and helped her. When I came back to pick my skis up, I saw two guys running away with my gear. You try chasing someone while wearing ski boots. FML

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

by Brittany / 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm / United States / Love

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

by Wealthyparrot / 05/10/2013 at 4:24am / United States / Work

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

by westwoodcosmo / 01/27/2016 at 5:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

by foxfur / 07/14/2016 at 8:21am / United States (Vermont) / Health