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Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

by 20lbknockout / 10/20/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

by LadyGagasLOVER / 08/08/2010 at 4:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 1:44pm / United States / Kids

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

by CaityLovesBo / 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

by EdgardoP / 06/26/2012 at 11:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

by fxck / 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm / Work

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

by hcfan / 04/14/2009 at 7:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

by Homeless / 03/09/2009 at 8:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

by anon / 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2012 at 11:45pm / United States / Love

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

by twitterfailsme / 11/04/2013 at 7:08am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Work

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

by shylahrc / 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous