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Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2010 at 1:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML

by unojo08 / 10/01/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

by alice / 02/13/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

by Alice / 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

by Not Mrs Soprano / 07/08/2013 at 7:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

by foreveralone / 07/23/2013 at 5:51am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

by lord kuntface / 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

by ugh / 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

by Nikki / 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

by heatproblems / 12/19/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

by toyotasmash / 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

by Sue / 03/26/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work