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Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

#3264690
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66556) - you deserved it (2927)

On 06/27/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by OfCourse (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

#3811279
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49838) - you deserved it (2927)

On 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by search_me (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

#5605525
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34916) - you deserved it (2927)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

#20863339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37410) - you deserved it (2927)

On 09/01/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

#21384025
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36256) - you deserved it (2927)

On 03/30/2015 at 6:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

#4926157
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (2926)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:58am - misc - by hihipanda (man) - Singapore

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

#4100528
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62352) - you deserved it (2926)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:29am - work - by skygoddess (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

#12655415
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29069) - you deserved it (2926)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:05am - health - by meowcat101 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother spent over $5,000 to fly in a Feng-Shui master, put him in a five-star hotel, and had him walk around our house with a compass, moving things to help improve the "energy flow." Now all I have in my room is an old mattress and lamp. He's coming back tomorrow. FML

#18209020
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32585) - you deserved it (2926)

On 11/10/2011 at 9:35am - money - by Agathus (man) - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

#19138227
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (2926)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:53am - misc - by Whoopsie - United States

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

#20083866
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21926) - you deserved it (2926)

On 09/22/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by busted (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38231) - you deserved it (2926)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

#21315594
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25840) - you deserved it (2926)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by KCHS - United States



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